Eva

Dear Eva,

How do I begin to tell you how right you were? You encouraged me to have that third child. You told me it would balance out our family. You told me I'd never regret it. You were so right.

I wasn't the best new mom. It kicked my butt. I barely made it through the newborn stage with Ryan. I was in shock. I felt that it was torture. I cried through the late night feedings because I was so tired. I wasn't sure how I could keep going. And then I got pregnant quickly with Kyle and wondered how I could add another baby to my life. I was barely hanging on.

So when we talked that beautiful night and you told me that on your death bed, your last regret would be not having a third child, you sold me. My husband stood there and shook his head. He knew I was sold.

Elle wakes up every night around 3 a.m. I shuffle down the hall to her room. I pick her up and soak in her beautiful baby smell. And instead of crying out of desperation, I sometimes catch myself tearing up knowing that these days are almost over. She will soon eat cereal and baby food. She will soon sleep through the night most night. And I can't believe that I am the same mother who would have given anything to end the late night feedings for Ryan.

Elle has given me a new perspective as a mother. I now understand how sweet it all is. If I would have ended my journey with Kyle, I would not have such a soft, warm spot in my heart.

So, Eva, thank you. I am a better mother for being the mother of my beautiful baby Elle.

Forever grateful,

Indy