Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wish I Had to Buy a Card

I can't remember what I bought my mom for Mother's Day last year. I have been wracking my brain all week and I just cannot remember. I do remember that I never liked buying Mother's Day cards. Every year I dreaded it. My mom wasn't a cookie cutter mom. None of the cards really matched our relationship and they all felt fake. I would just pick out the best choice and make myself give it to her.

Yesterday I was in Walmart and I could barely walk by the card aisle. There were so many people almost on top of one another looking for that perfect card for their mom. I wish I was one of them. So many thoughts came rushing at me. How much I missed calling home and hearing her voice. She was so excited about the new baby. And how many times I have almost called home to ask her a cooking question and realized that she was gone. It just doesn't seem fair that someone only 59 passed away. I know I was there for the whole event but it is very hard for it to sink in. I just doesn't seem possible that she is really gone. It just cannot be true.

So I continued to avoid the Mother's Day card aisle and concentrated on my task at hand. I kept thinking that I know that I could pick out a card a little easier this year. As I became more of a mom, picking out my card got a little easier each year. I understood more. I forgave. I know she did her best. I can't imagine being so sick her entire life, trying to work and take care of three girls.

At the beginning of the week, I didn't think that Mother's Day was bothering me. I am a mom and I thought that I just needed to think of it as my day. For my whole life, it has been about my mom on Mother's Day. I just needed a paradigm shift and it all would be OK. But, in Kohl's yesterday as I was looking for something decent to wear for our Mother's Day brunch, their announcement about Mother's Day threw me into a fit. Tears came to my eyes and all of the sadness came right back to me. I could barely get out of there fast enough. Who knew? I never imagined how grief would come and go so quickly and when you didn't expect it.

So this year, I bought my mom (really for my Dad) a stone for her garden that I know she would have loved. I bought myself one too. I will always remember what I got her this year. And while I will skip the card, I know that she will be very close to my heart this week and especially on Sunday. As a mother, it can be so hard to share your Mother's Day with your mom and your mother-in-law. I know I have griped about it before. But I would give anything to have to share it one more year. And to have to buy her one more card.

18 comments:

OHmommy said...

I was thinking that I should something extra special for my MIL this year. Thanks Indy for the sweet reminder.

I know how hard this must have been to write.

Stephanie said...

Thank you for opening your heart to us. I know that must have been hard to sit down and write..thank you for soing it though.
I think the stone is going to be a beautiful gift and you will always remember it!! Great idea!
I hope you have a nice Mothers Day with the kids and sit and think of all the great memories you and your mom had too!

Naomi said...

What a beautiful post. In my eyes, you DID write her a card. This post.

The stone is a great gift and I too, thank you for the reminder to carve out time RIGHT now and acknowledge her.

sarah said...

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I am dealing with my fathers 1 year anniversary death today. I am not sure the pain lessens. Hugs and I understand

Jessica said...

What a beautiful picture of your mom! Even 12 years after losing my mom...mother's day is always uneasy. Not neccessarily sad just not complete. Love your stone gift.

Managed Chaos said...

Sending you big hugs and prayers this Mother's Day.

Your post made me realize that this will be my mom's first Mother's Day without her mother (she passed last July). She'll be getting extra hugs from me, thanks to your wonderful tribute about your mom.

McMommy said...

I agree with Naomi. This post is better than any Mother's Day card. Your mom is surely smiling down upon you.

Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire said...

Many hugs to you. Losing a parent is hard. On Father's Day I focus on my hubby but I also share with my girls the kind of dad my dad was. I can't believe that it has been almost 5 years without him. I still expect him to pull into my drive with the Choc. covered Strawberries he would get for me at all the holidays from Malley's. He would drive 25 miles out his way to get them-I never had the heart to tell him that I didn't really like them.

((((((hugs))))))))

Jessica said...

What a wonderful gift idea, Indy! I'm sure your mother is LOVING that stone in her garden.

Anonymous said...

My sentiments exactly...~Aldee

Anonymous said...

I'll be thinking of your mom and you and the family on Mother's Day. It's so hard when Mother's Day is being shoved in your face everywhere you go. I'm glad that you'll all be together.
Love, Aldee's Friend Mary

Kelbabe said...

Oh, Indy. My heart aches for you. I'm thinking about you babe.

Anonymous said...

I have been trying so hard to remember what I got mom last year too! I don't know if I would feel better if I'd remember. I feel like I don't remember anything about last year's mother's day. Who knew it was the last mother's day we'd have with our mom. Great post- although it did bring tears. I am sure Dad will love the rock. Lara

Leave a Trail... said...

Awwww, so hard. Grief is something that we all have to take our time with. I'm sure there will be many moments that will take your breath away. Hugs to you, this Mother's Day...

Tami

Steph said...

What a beautiful post, I hope you have a vary Happy Mothers day!

Krystyn said...

I imagine that this was extra tough for you this year. The stone is a great idea.

And, if you like buying cards, maybe you could adopt a mom every year? Surely there is something like that around. I know it's not the same, but maybe there is a mom out there who doesn't have somebody to send her a card? Just an idea.

Flea said...

I'm with Naomi on this one. This was a beautiful card to your mother.

amy said...

27 years and I still shed tears on Mothers Day..I love the the rock idea. I am jewish and everytime I visit my parents gravesite, I leave stones by the headstone, a flat plaque really but I always leave a few stones to let them know I came and talked to them.
HUGS
Amy

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