As the due date approaches, I find myself freaking out. This is my third time around the block. You'd think I would be a pro. I don't feel like one. If my babies were born in the old days without formula and we weren't rich enough to have a wet nurse, my babies would have died. I am awful at breast feeding. We're not talking that I just haven't mastered the skill, we are talking awful. My parts just aren't made like the normal woman. Without sharing too much, let's just say that I didn't realize that bottles and binkies were made to look like nipples. When I saw my first nipples of breast feeding woman I almost gasped in front of my breast feeding class. I had no idea that they were "normal" and I was not.
When I met my first lactation consultant, she looked at one breast and said let's see the other. Both were so bad that she just picked one to try. They all met me, looked at the goods and just tried to calm me down. It wasn't going to be easy and they knew it.
I tried really, really hard with Ryan. I even pumped for months to make sure he had breast milk. With Kyle, I didn't do as well. We didn't know it then but Kyle had a very week tongue that would cause many other feeding problems later as he moved onto solid foods. So, I tried to breast feed, pump and take care of Ryan, 19 months at the time. My husband begged me to stop pumping and to give in. I did and felt so relieved.
So now with Baby Noname, I have been wrestling with the whole issue. I know how good it is for the baby and for me. It also saves so much money and wouldn't that be great? This is also my last chance at getting it right.
I will give it another shot. I'll drive all of the nurses and lactation consultants crazy like I did the last time. Who knows, maybe Baby Noname will be a pro. She'll latch on and go to town. I am hoping. I will try again and give it my all. That's all I can do.
The Open Road
4 years ago