As the due date approaches, I find myself freaking out. This is my third time around the block. You'd think I would be a pro. I don't feel like one. If my babies were born in the old days without formula and we weren't rich enough to have a wet nurse, my babies would have died. I am awful at breast feeding. We're not talking that I just haven't mastered the skill, we are talking awful. My parts just aren't made like the normal woman. Without sharing too much, let's just say that I didn't realize that bottles and binkies were made to look like nipples. When I saw my first nipples of breast feeding woman I almost gasped in front of my breast feeding class. I had no idea that they were "normal" and I was not.
When I met my first lactation consultant, she looked at one breast and said let's see the other. Both were so bad that she just picked one to try. They all met me, looked at the goods and just tried to calm me down. It wasn't going to be easy and they knew it.
I tried really, really hard with Ryan. I even pumped for months to make sure he had breast milk. With Kyle, I didn't do as well. We didn't know it then but Kyle had a very week tongue that would cause many other feeding problems later as he moved onto solid foods. So, I tried to breast feed, pump and take care of Ryan, 19 months at the time. My husband begged me to stop pumping and to give in. I did and felt so relieved.
So now with Baby Noname, I have been wrestling with the whole issue. I know how good it is for the baby and for me. It also saves so much money and wouldn't that be great? This is also my last chance at getting it right.
I will give it another shot. I'll drive all of the nurses and lactation consultants crazy like I did the last time. Who knows, maybe Baby Noname will be a pro. She'll latch on and go to town. I am hoping. I will try again and give it my all. That's all I can do.
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6 comments:
Honey, you don't get a purple heart for breast feeding your child. No one will award you any medals. Your children will not, in your old age, rail at you for bottle feeding them.
I breast fed my boys, but not my daughter. She was the first and I tried and tried. It just didn't happen. So she got a bottle because I wanted her to live. I realized it wasn't about me and what I wanted, or what some nazi-lactation person wanted. It was about my baby and what she needed.
You're a great mom. Do what you need to do. Ignore the zealots. Your baby will be fine.
I didn't even try w/my 3rd. Seems like we have something in common, I have the same problem and same history.
You have to do what works for you and causes you and your family the least amount of stress.
Who cares what other people thing, right?
Lactation can talk until they are blue in the face, but every mother and every child is different.
Good luck with your decision.
All of my 3 kids have a different nursing history. They all turned out rotten, so there you have it.
Kidding - one was EASY, one was MISERY and one I lasted for 2 days before realizing that crying about breastfeeding was ridiculous.
Wishing you either a good-latching-on-NoName-babe ... or the where-with-all to just decide when/if it's not worth it.
I had the same problems with my first...he never latched on and I remember sitting in my living room with a lactation consultant spoon feeding him my milk with a spoon...CRAZY! I pumped for months before I finally gave it up.
I had the best of intentions to nurse my second, but after the same issues with her in the hospital, I opted to forgo the nursing stress and bottle fed her.
Good luck with whatever you decide, but know that either way, she'll be OK.
My third time was not any more charming than the first two tries.
Jay finally begged me to stop feeding George after he was ready to take our baby to the ER because he was spitting up so much blood.
I lovingly explained to my husband that it wasn't George's blood, it was mine. The baby was fine - no problem - he was EVEN being breastfed.
He lovingly explained to me that George isn't a vampire and I had finally lost my mind. Okay, that isn't what he said (his lactating wife would have killed him probably) but you get the idea.
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