T & A

Dear Body,

Not sure if you realized but the baby is long gone from my body. Yep. It has been over five months now. You can let go now. I don't need these boobs or hips. I don't need the wide shoulders for childbirth. All done. See you later. Move along.

Not sure if you realized but I have been working out. I have even been running. Yeah, I know it was shocking to you. Joining Weight Watchers is helping but I just wanted to remind you that you can let go of the fat now. I am not breast feeding so I don't need it anymore.

I know I packed it on for my pregnancy. The chocolate chip ice cream was so good with all of the extra peanut butter I ate every night for a snack. I really enjoyed myself. I don't regret it all. It was my last pregnancy and it was a tough one. It was the one of the benefits of carrying this child.

Tomorrow is a big day in the world. A lot of people will be resolving to lose weight and eat healthy. I don't need to write that down on my resolution list. I have been working on it for months now.

Just wanted to remind you to let it all go. I miss my old clothes. I have even received new ones that I can't squeeze the boobs into. A friend of mine reminded me of the old "nine months on and nine months off. " So easy to say when you are done having babies and wearing your small jeans. When you are still 35 lbs overweight, it is painfully slow and frustrating. Getting dressed is a nightmare!

Consider this a friendly reminder that we are heading into month 6 now.

Faithfully yours,

Indy
P.S. The zits can stop too. I am 38 years old.

Only 364 More Days

On Facebook, I almost wrote that I barely pulled it together this year for Christmas. I deleted it. Who wants to read about that on Christmas Day on Facebook? Everyone else is writing warm wishes, posting cute pictures and bragging about their new presents.

As a mom, I am just happy to be given a second chance at getting my act together. I swear that next year I will do it all better. Most years I do. This year, I was a mess. I always wonder why at Halloween I don't start getting everything ready for Christmas. This year in October, I paid attention. I WAS BUSY DOING HALLOWEEN STUFF! That's why I can't start early. I am a busy mom each and every week of the year.

It wasn't a perfect Christmas. The stockings weren't so great. I was pretty disappointed in my collection of items for them. The presents were pretty good. Nothing too exciting and no one was disappointed. I just felt a week behind all month and was in a constant state of chaos.

Now before you get all excited and start writing comments about how it is OK that I am a mess, I hear you. LOUD AND CLEAR. I totally get it. Just need to Talk About It and Say It.

I will be as bold as to say I am glad it is over. I survived the first year since my mom passed away. I survived another newborn. I survived. That's not how I like to live and I love Christmas. But, I am a mess. I look forward to cleaning it all up and starting fresh in 2010. That's not me either. This Christmas isn't me. And I look forward to next year and getting my spirit right. My heart will find Christmas next year. I am looking forward to it.

My New Favorite Website (Sorry Facebook)

Top 10 reasons I love Paperbackswap.com

10. It is free. Free.

9. I hate old stamps. You can use old 41 cent postage that is in your junk drawer.

8. You can clean out all of your old books and get something new in return.

7. You can check out the bestsellers lists and make your own wish list.

6. You can mail the books FROM HOME and never go to the post office.

5. No post office. Really! You print out a sheet for the cover of the book. You don't even need packing materials other than tape.

4. Not a big fan of post offices. You mail from home. This fact sold me.

3. With kids, I never have time to look at my section of the library. And I always have to reserve books at the library. They never have them on the shelf. And who can finish them before the due date? With Paperbackswap.com, I can keep them until I am done and want to exchange them.

2. It just might keep me away from Borders but I can't be sure.

1. Did I say FREE? And in this economy, you can't beat that!

*Nothing was received for this post. Just love the site!

Just Breathe

I never used my Lamaze classes when I had my babies. But, I have gotten my money's worth out of the classes. I use the deep breathing to get through tough moments. This past month, I have used this technique for certain Christmas songs, memories and thoughts that remind me of my mom. It has been a year since she passed away.

I have thought a lot over the year as to how this post would shape up. I thought I would know exactly how to write it. But, certain thoughts are too personal for the world to read. Some thoughts are too personal to even admit to yourself.

So, instead of trying to weep through this, I am going to just throw out some thoughts.

Where did the year go?
I keep expecting my mom to call.
Some days, I think that she is just sick and I will see her soon.
I don't feel her around me like I would have imagined that I would.
I cry very hard every time I hear of someone's mom passing away.
I am jealous of mothers and daughters shopping or eating in a restaurant. It breaks my heart.
I remember my mom missing her mom and crying. I feel bad for judging her.
I am so glad that I forgave my mother a few years ago. She was the best mom she could be.
I wish my mom had better self esteem. I wish she would have had more friends.
Whenever I am sick or my kids have a medical issue, I almost pick up the phone to ask for her help. She was a nurse. I miss her advice.
When I play "Patty Cake" with Elle, I can hear my mom in my voice.
I wish I had more of her recipes.
I don't want my kids to forget her.
I wish Elle knew her.
I hate seeing my Dad sad.
I miss my mom.

A friend of mine lost her mother a few weeks ago. She asked me how to get through it. You just do. There is no magical way. We both agreed that you always hear that life is short, blah, blah, blah. You don't understand how powerful the words are until it is too late. I get it. As horrible as it is to have lost my mom, I am grateful for the chance to fully grasp the "life is too short" concept. I linger with my dad, I call my sisters more often and I say yes to family outings just in case it is my last chance. And I breathe in as much as I can of those around me and try to create memories in my mind.

So tomorrow, as I reach the one year anniversary of my mom's death, I will do a lot of breathing. I am sure there will be tears on my way home to Alliance. And I know there will be lots of lingering at the dinner table with my kids, dad, sisters and nieces and nephew. Breathe in. Breathe out. Just breathe.

Ran Away From Nike

I went shoe shopping today. My workout shoes were killing me. So, off I went to DSW. As I attempted to try on as many pairs as possible before Elle started screaming, I stopped right in front of the Nike section. Hmmm. I am too pissed off at Tiger to even try them on. Weird. I knew that with each woman (up to #9 now) coming forward, I was disgusted. But, I never expected the gut wrenching reaction that I had when I was looking at shoes.



So what will the companies that use Tiger's image do? If most men don't care, they won't react. But, the only thing that would get me to try a Nike product or buy Gilette would be an Oprah endorsement and that ain't happening any time soon. As the weeks unfold and more tales are told, what will the sponsors do? I know that many people say it is Tiger and his wife's business. It is if you are a private person. When you start trying to sell me products and I am buying into your image, it becomes more complicated. I found that out as I bought my new Saucony running shoes.


And in case you are wondering, I beat my husband in the last two months of our weight loss competition. I am down about 15 lbs. from September 20. Yahooooo!!!!!

Joanne, Come on Down!

We have a winner! Joanne is the winner of the funky bracelet. Joanne, please email me at nottalkingjustsaying@yahoo.com with your contact information and we'll get the bracelet right out to you. Congrats! And thank you to Lara for donating her bracelet to help out her sister's blog. If you ever decide to order anything from Lara's Etsy site, please be sure to mention this blog to get your discount.

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