Good People.

When you know better, you do better. -Maya Angelou


When we had Ryan six years ago, I remember being blown away by all of the presents when he was born. People sent flowers, stuffed animals and outfits. Really? We are supposed to do this when people have babies? I had no idea. I just usually sent a card, if they were lucky.

So when my Mom passed away last month, I again was blown away by people. Really? That's what people do? Really? Wow. People are so good. We kept saying it again and again. People are so good.

When Mom first died and we sat in shock that first day, we were lucky enough to be interrupted by the door bell ringing. At the front door were flowers. To get them at my parents house right away made us smile, cry and feel a little better. The door bell continued to ring for the next few days. Next came the visitors. We are Presbyterian not Jewish sitting Shiva and I was surprised by people that came by to express their condolences. Some were not even close friends. And because all we wanted to do was sit, cry, eat and talk, it was wonderful to have people around. Next came the food. Boy did we have food! People brought by casseroles, meat trays and soup. Even though we had trouble eating, it was good to have food there to offer people and make ourselves eat a sandwich now and then. Our favorite thing that a friend of my sister brought us was the largest container of Starbucks I have ever seen and delicious cookies. Perfection! She brought it over and sat with us for the night.

Another thing that surprised us was that someone people sent a card (immediately) and also attended the calling hours or funeral. Some even sent flowers in addition to the card and coming to the calling hours. I didn't realize people sometimes do all three. Good people.

When my Dad's pastor met with us, he said that some people may be uncomfortable at the calling hours. His advice was to just let their presence be enough. It was so true. Words are so unimportant at calling hours. By simply being there, comfort was given and condolences were felt. Don't struggle with the right words to say. A hug and your presence is enough. It really is.

Something I also didn't realize is that you appreciate the cards that come late. You know the one that you never get around to sending and is on your "to do list." As the world goes on, you are still grieving. To receive a late card or flowers helps so much. You are not alone in your grief.

However you express you sympathy the important thing is to acknowledge the person and their family. There is no right way or wrong way. We all have different styles. But one thing that we learned is that every card, dinner, flower and presence means so much. Each one. Without them, it would be nearly impossible to get through the grief.

So next time you think it may be too late to send a card to someone remember that grief doesn't end when the casket is closed and the family leaves the cemetery. For many, it is just beginning. Send the card and tell them you care. They will truly appreciate that you took the time and that they matter. We are so lucky to be in the company of good people.

Recession Lessons from the 1970's

My Dad was surprised that I don't remember eating lunches in our borrowed van at Disney World as a kid. We did it to save money. I only remember eating at the nice restaurants at Epcot for our dinners. We were lucky enough to take fantastic trips as children. It was all part of the adventure.

Don't you wonder what our kids will remember? A lot of it they won't. But, they will learn life lessons from everything we do.

Here is some of what I learned as a child in the 70's about how to live on less:

I can save calories and money at restaurants and skip the appetizer because we often did when we were kids. I don't ever remember ordering appetizers. But, we ate out a lot as kids. My mom was a nurse and worked the afternoon shift. That left my Dad to watch us. My dad's favorite restaurant was L & K. They had an all you can eat fish special. Kids ate free on the night we went. We brought neighbor kids weekly. Poor waitress!

I can be just as happy at Eat'n Park as I am at Mallorca. OK. I lied there. Almost as happy.

I can go months without buying new clothes because it is a little scary in a recession. I haven't bought anything new in so long! We did it as kids when my Dad worked for GM and was laid off for a really long time.

I can have soup and sandwiches for dinner to stretch the budget because I learned that sometimes nothing tastes better than Campbell's tomato soup and a grilled cheese made with love. We even received government cheese in the 70's when my Dad was laid off. We thought it tasted great.

I remember to turn lights off and put a sweater on because I heard it a million times as a child.

I learned to love reading and the public library system. We had so many library fines that my Dad swore we paid for the West wing of the library.

We learned to be good shoppers. My Dad taught us to make sure we were getting the best deal when shopping. He also taught us to talk to people around us while shopping and to be friendly. He taught us that cashiers were people to know and treat as friends.

My husband and I have decided to skip our traditional family vacation this year due to the recession and pay some bills instead. It was a a tough choice but one that felt right. We will take a week and do some local family bonding. But, we will skip the sun and beach that has been calling our names in the last snowy month. When I ask my boys where they want to go, they scream Kalahari not Atlantis. Sometimes it is so hard to do the right thing. But, it has been decided. We'll make it to Atlantis in the near future. I know we will. But for now, we'll create some wonderful memories in the great state of Ohio and hope that the kids won't notice the difference.

New Eyes

Ryan walked into my office and asked who Martin Luther King Jr. was. Wow! I couldn't wait to explain it to him. But to get to who MLK Jr. was there is so much to explain about our country. How do you explain "race relations" to a child who hasn't really paid attention to race? His teacher is African American and he has never once mentioned it. One of the little girls in her class wears beads in her hair. He thought it was cool. He thought our cousin was African American because she has olive skin. So hard to explain.

From MLK Jr., Lincoln and to our present day, Ryan's question provided a great teachable moment. With the Internet, I could pull up pictures and even recordings to show him who people were and what they stood for. The discussion of Martin Luther King Jr. eventually led to Barack Obama and his inauguration.

Tuesday is a very big day in our country. I am so excited for the children of our country to see OUR president, Barack Obama sworn in. I really think this changes everything. My son will never even question that a black man can be president. He thinks women can be president too and I love that. Ryan's world will be so different that mine. I can't wait to record it all on Tuesday and show it to him. I hope they show it in school and discuss it. There is so much to learn for all of us.

I have heard that Obama is encouraging people to volunteer on Monday. I love that idea and I am racking my brain to find an appropriate way to do this with my children. If you have any ideas, feel free to suggest them. I found a website (click here) that lists opportunities and encourages people to list them for others.

The conversation with Ryan will continue as it will for the people of our country. There is so much to learn about each other and race relations. It is a new day in our country and for all people in the world.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'
-Martin Luther King Jr.

~ The true test of the American ideal is whether we’re able to recognize our failings and then rise together to meet the challenges of our time. Whether we allow ourselves to be shaped by events and history, or whether we act to shape them. Whether chance of birth or circumstance decides life’s big winners and losers, or whether we build a community where, at the very least, everyone has a chance to work hard, get ahead, and reach their dreams.
-Barack Obama

Cement Boots

I have received a little flak because I haven't written much lately. I know it is all in good fun. But I'd like to explain what is going on. You should see all of the other stuff I am not getting to in my real life. I have tried to write some lighter posts but I just can't get into them let alone publish them.

I've tried to stay away from anything too sad and depressing here. I want people to want to stop by and feel better when they leave my blog. I don't want you to hate coming because you know it will be such a downer that you can't stand to come anymore. But, if you know anything about Indy, you will say that I am an honest person and writer. What you see on my blog is what you get. Unless it will interfere with someone's life (or my husband will throw a fit), I will be honest as I can be about it.

So I haven't written in the past few weeks because I can't make myself do much of anything. And I am OK with that. I know it is normal and I am going through the grieving process. I am just taking each day and doing what needs to be done. Whether that's new boots for Ryan for school, clean underwear for me or food for the dog, I am just doing what I have to do. I try not to worry about everything else on my list and just take care of what I have to do. What I can do.

I cry. I cry a lot. It's normal and that's what I am going to do. I cry alone. My husband has only seen me cry a few times in my life. He knows that's how I am and we're both OK with that. Some days I cry a little. And some days I cry a little more. I know that eventually I won't cry so often.

The weirdest part of the grieving process for me is that sometimes I forget that she has passed away. I will pull out a shirt to wear and think "Mom would like me in this" and then I remember. I turn on Oprah and think "I wonder if Mom and Dad are watching Oprah too." Bam. I am reading a book she was reading right now. I wonder how far she got in her book. I wish I could talk to her about the Barbara Walter's book. I forget and remember so many times a day.

I told my sister today that it feels like I am swimming with cement boots on. I have to swim to stay alive but I am not going anywhere. So many of you have asked how I am doing. This is how I am doing. I have trouble verbalizing it and you know I don't want to cry in front of you or anyone else. I am here and I am just getting through it. As Dory told Nemo in Finding Nemo, I am going to "just keep swimming."

My Dear John Letter

Dear Computer,

You have been with me through the good and bad. But, things change. Well, I change. It is you not me. I can't be myself if I am forced to be with you always. I must at least cut you out of my life in one area. You have me for blogging, Facebook, email and countless searches on Google. I must go back to my old love...my address book.

Sincerely,

An old fashioned girl from Ohio

This Christmas, I decided that I had it. I am done. Done with being confused about whether my friends live on Mesquite or Teleford in Southern Ohio. They moved in the same city but which house is their current house? I have no clue. I thought printing labels at Christmas would be easier. It is isn't for me. Works for other people but not this girl.

So today I went to Borders. I brought my 40% off coupon and bought a brand new address book. I am so excited to take all of the saved envelopes and put everyone's address in my new book. I might get a little crazy and use a pen. You know you are a bored housewife when....

Doesn't it feel good to crack open a new address book or calendar? It is one of my favorite things about January. I love to write everything in my new calendar and at least feel I have control in one area of my life.

Here's to a new year, making changes in our lives and doing what works.

My House is Trashed.

My house is trashed. Really. We're not talking just a little messy. We are talking kiddos are out of clothes and we are out of laundry detergent. We are talking we are out of room on the counter tops. We are talking can't walk down the hall without tripping. I would take pictures of the mess but I can't find the camera. Really.


Now you are saying that it is because of the holidays and all houses get a little messy because of the disruption of schedules, parties, kids home and spouses not at work. Yep. We have that and because a few other issues I will not discuss here. (Feel free to click on link to catch up).


So, in my effort to start getting Indyworld back to normal, I couldn't wait to send Ryan back to school tomorrow. Thank goodness my sister asked when they went back to school last week on the phone. I checked our public school schedule and couldn't believe my eyes. Not until TUESDAY. What? Who does that? Definitely not a mom. Nope. Had to be a man that make that decision.


So now, the laundry will wait. The decorations will be 1/2 put away. I won't get to my thank you notes and their names will stay on my list. I will find socks for tomorrow for the kids. Clean underwear must be somewhere. I will try to stay sane one more day. I may medicate with chocolate and Coca-Cola. But, I will make it one more day. Man.