Don't Get Fat

My maternal grandmother weighed over 300 lbs. When she died, her license said something like 160. She was always so funny. We just laughed and laughed when we saw that. She tried every diet in the world. As a child, I remember my mom driving her to the Cleveland Clinic for some diet appointment. She came home with some crazy, strict diet. I know she also did Weight Watchers. My mom and grandma would make sure to use the bathroom before weighing in so they "lost" weight and then they'd hit a buffet on the way home. No lie. I don't think she ever lost any weight on any diet. She only got larger and larger.

Yesterday, a friend asked me about Weight Watchers and their new program. She wasn't sure if she had it in her. She said she was destined be fat. Since I had lost 63 lbs in the past year and a half. (The picture of me near the ocean is from October 2009 just as I started Weight Watchers). I thought I could help her out. But, it turns out. You really can't. Only she can decide to do it.

You can have the best hospital in the area give you a diet. You can have all of the materials from Weight Watchers. You can be Oprah Winfrey. But, until you DECIDE that you are going to do it, you won't. It is all a mental game. All of it. Each meal, each snack, each workout is a mental choice of either doing it or not. No one else can make you do it. And no one can really hold you accountable. Only you can.

Here's how the game is played. Yesterday, I added a little bit of sugar to my tea. Just a bit. I told myself that it was only a few extra calories or so. Didn't really matter. Then I didn't work out last night but told myself I'd go in the morning. I didn't even set my alarm. Told myself I could workout later in the week. Ate a little extra snack last night. I didn't over eat at dinner. So, I "rewarded" myself. Sounds crazy reading this. I am only hurting myself. Listen to your own voice talk youself into a bigger piece of cake or an extra cookie. We all do it. All of the small choices add up to either weight loss or gain.

It is all choice that we have to work through. When I finally decided that a size 16 in women's was not a size I could live with, I made a list of why I wanted to lose weight. I reread this many times throughout the year. I also watch Dr. Oz regurarly because he remind me of why it is medically necessary to not be overweight. He has scared me thin.

My grandma used to always say to me "Don't get fat." She meant this with every bone in her body and I could hear the pain in her voice. It was a warning. She lived a very long life. She outlived all of the other grandparents and saw me graduate from college. But, she couldn't walk in a mall without sitting down. Her legs hurt and she was always embarrased by her weight. She hated being fat. I want a long, healthy life. I made the choice and I make it at every meal and every snack. It is a constant struggle. I wish my grandma could see me now after three kids (and four pregnancies) and see me at a size 6. She would love it! And she would be shocked to know that I carry her warning with me and use it to keep my head straight.

Here I am dancing the night away in Vegas last October. One year later.