I'm Growing Up

I sat and watched her open her baby shower gifts. I smiled on the outside. And I bit my tongue.


"Never gonna use that."
"Who told you needed that?"
"You'll use that for maybe one month."
"Take that back."
"You'll look like a new mom with that."


I looooooove giving advice. So much that I do realize that I am a pain to some people. I just love telling people what has worked for me. I like to help people. But, as I sat through the baby shower, I realized that I need to become "the older mother." You've met her. Maybe she was the one in your playgroup that didn't laugh at you for getting out a new binky when your baby dropped it on the ground. Maybe she listened to your sleep woes without talking non-stop about her sleep issues when her baby was small. And maybe you've told your birth story a million times and she listens every time as if she has never heard it.


I have realized that my baby time is almost over. I need to grow up too. Every new mom doesn't need to know everything I have learned in the past 7 years. She'll learn it in time. And like my husband reminded me, you can't learn it all at once. It would be too overwhelming to know right when you first get pregnant everything there is to know. Who would want to know how hard it is? You get it in bits and pieces when you are ready. I am still getting it in bits and pieces. I am getting this. I am ready.


So, I apologize to my friends and family who have had to listen to all of my tips and suggestions. I am going to work on talking less and listening more. I am trying. I learned that the first baby made me a mother. It was a huge transition. What will my last baby teach me? I am learning so much. But, I'll keep it to myself right now. I promise.

No Help

The Day Before...

Dinner parties sound glamorous. Until you have to throw one. This might come as a shocker but they are a lot of work.

Now if I were rich, I would hire a caterer, cleaners, a nanny and a lady to help me select my outfit for the shindig. But since I am not, I have to be all these and more.

My playgroup friends started a "Not So Gourmet" dinner party club three or five years ago. It has been so long I can't remember. I am up in the rotation.

With a small baby, I am finding it hard to pull all of the pieces together. It is tomorrow night and while I am cleaning my floor, I am writing this post in my head. It will all come together but I wonder how as I scrub around my toilet wishing I had a house cleaner.

Fast forward to the week after...

We did it. And it was a blast! I so wish I had pictures to share. We had a wine tasting. Everyone brought a bottle and we rated the wines. They were all under $10. I threw in a more expensive bottle to see if it would beat the others. And it lost! We threw in a $5 Gallo Cabernet and it came in second. How perfect is that?

We had the best night. Nothing beats time shared with friends. We need to do this more. We love to entertain and we love to be with our friends. We laughed. We told stories and we drank LOTS of wine.

And boy, were we beat. We were so tired after all of our hard word. But, we loved it. We talked about it for days.

What a difference a day makes.

Missing Her

I miss an old friend. She's been gone about six months and I never in a million years thought I would miss her. I took her for granted. I didn't even know I was attached to her. She drove me crazy most of the time. Maybe I misunderstood her. Half of the time, I had no idea what she was saying. The other half of the time, she brushed over everything and tried to make everyone around her feel good. Maybe I wasn't a good listener. Maybe I was too busy with my life to really sit and listen to her. I never thought she would be the first to go.


I can't sit around and mourn the loss of this friend forever. I have to move on. I have found a new friend. I have tried to let her into my life. I have known her for a long time. But now, I am seeing her more each week. She is one of the funniest people in the world. No one makes me laugh like she does. But, she isn't the same. I know I am rushing it and I need to give her time. It just isn't the same without my friend.


Oh Paula, I never thought I'd miss you on American Idol. But I do.

Doing It

Whenever I see someone that has lost weight, I always ask "How'd you do it?"

So, I was thinking. How am I doing this?

1. Write down everything you eat in a notebook. Trust me, you won't eat 10 Oreos if you have to write it down. You just won't.

2. Park at the back of the parking lot next time you are out. If America would stop driving around and around looking for the closest spot, we wouldn't have such a weight problem in this country. People around the world walk EVERYWHERE, EVERYDAY. We are such lazy, lazy people. WALK!!!! ( I do this carrying my 19 lb. baby in her carrier- No excuses!)

3. Find a healthier, lower calorie option for each of your meals and snacks. If you to eat a bowl of chili, try to eat 1/2 of what you normally do. Find a smaller bowl. If you drink 3 Cokes a day, drink one. Over time, you will start to eat healthier and you can stick with it. Make small changes. They work.

4. Speaking of small changes, stop eating the crap off of your kids plates. Sit down each time you eat. There is no grabbing of chicken nuggets on the way to the trash. You deserve better.

5. Figure out why you are eating the way you do. What's at the heart of it? Try to feel your emotions instead of eating them. And for me, knowing WHY I am losing weight is helping me to stay motivated. I want to be healthy. I am very afraid of high blood pressure and diabetes. I am going to age gracefully. I will be as healthy as I can be.

I read somewhere that it is hard to be fat. It is hard to lose weight. Pick your hard.

You have to be ready to do the work. I hit rock bottom in October. I saw my future and it included Lane Bryant. It wasn't acceptable to me. I will not be overweight.

So that's how I am doing it.

Forcing Me to Do My Job

Ry got into a bit of trouble at school on Friday.

I got a call from the principal.

Gulp.

Then when he got home from school. He lied. Twice. To my face. Even when he knew I was calling the principal to tell her she was wrong about my little angel, he lied. Double gulp.

As I sat deep breathing about where I went wrong as a parent, (go ahead and laugh at me. I really felt this way.) I realized that it was true what older friends have said to me. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. And Ry was 7. I was doomed for the teenage years.

So, I sat breathing and freaking out big time. There were many calls to my husband at work and then to my sister. How to punish? What was appropriate? We are corner kind of people. We haven't spanked and when we get really crazy, we send them to their rooms. How do you send a message that lying will not be tolerated?

Dr. Ray, a discipline expert that spoke to our Early Childhood PTA once said, you must know their currency. If you know my Ryan, you know it is his video games.

So, we took it all away. Computers, DS, Playstation and Wii. Right. Before. The. Weekend. He doesn't play hardly at all during the week. Too busy with everything. But, boy does he love to relax and play on the weekends. And most of all, he loves to play with his dad.

And guess what happened? I think he is having a better time without his games. His brother is in on it too! Toys from the basement were brought up. He decorated his Valentines Day box. He read 50 pages of his latest favorite book and he actually asked me to get out his homework so he could start it early.

Go ahead and pat yourself on the shoulder if you are a better mother than me who never lets her kids play video games. You know that kids play better without them. It is a part of my hubby's life so it is a part of my kids life.

So, we learned important lessons in our house on Friday.

Ryan is not perfect.
Kids can lie really well.
Being a good parent is a lot of hard work.
No electronics is a good thing.
We need to set some limits in this household.
I am still afraid of principals.

When I had Ryan, I felt that each stage was hard in a different way. Baby, toddler, Terrible 3's (not the 2's, the 3's are much worse), preschool tantrums, Kindergarten transition and now the wacky first grade behavior. It's all hard. Each stage and in a different way. And if you are thinking "this isn't so bad" just hold on. You are ready to be hit with a doozy. My husband I, the night before the "incident," were just saying what a great age 7 is and how much Ry is growing up. He is. Yes he is. But are we ready for it?

Where in the Heck Am I?

I get about 20 people stopping by each day. That is pretty surprising since I haven't been writing much lately.

You may be wondering what I am doing with all of my free time.

1. Most of my free time in the evening is spent in my basement. I have a treadmill down there and I listen to my Ipod and watch TV on closed caption. I work out each night from 9-10. That is when I used to write. My weight loss effort is going great. I am down 23 lbs. from when I first declared war on this body. I am losing about 1.5 lbs a week!

2. My other hour that is somewhat free is after I put the kids to bed. I spend that hour doing the dishes, eating a snack and checking my email. It is a sexy wild life. I know.

3. If I ever find another spare minute, I usually try to clean up the house, do laundry and catch up with my to do list.

I am trying to maintain a balance and not worry so much about my blog, Facebook and my emails. I like writing. But sometimes, it has to be put on the back burner so my children have clean socks and underwear. As Elle gets a little older and naps a little more at the same time each day I will try to get back into a routine for writing. But for now, I am squeezing it in when I have the ambition and time.

When you get a moment, what do you do with your free time? What's your guilty pleasure?

For me? My guiltiest is watching bad TV and surfing the net at the same time on my laptop. Love "Hoarders" and "Real Housewives of Whatever County." Combine this with Perez Hilton.com and TMZ.com. Pure crap. Pure satisfaction.

Shock Wave

Nothing like a disaster in a foreign place to make you get up off your a** and be grateful.

For the past week, I have been out of sorts and in the dumps. Anxious. A mess. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. Some suggested it was the weather. Others suggested I see a doctor for my thyroid (already do that) and some suggested I take some me time. They were all wrong. I had a bad case of Housewifitus.

The day of the earthquake in Haiti changed all of that. I watched the news reports come in showing mothers holding their injured babies with blood on their faces, I suddenly became aware of how grateful I am. In my comfy suburban house in my comfy clothes and comfy slippers, I found it ridiculous that I wasn't joyous and grateful for my life. What a spoiled brat I have become.

In my recent weight loss effort, I have bribed myself with inexpensive rewards. I have reached one of my goals and should be buying myself a new lipstick. Instead, I am going to go on the Salvation Army's website and donate money to the relief effort in Haiti. I am not a doctor or relief person that can help the people I saw on the news. But, I am a mother. I cannot ignore another mother's pain and pretend someone else will send in the donations for food and water. I will do something. Won't you?

Every dollar counts. Small donations help. If we all give a little bit, together, we can help save their lives!