Sunday, October 19, 2008

She's Always on my Mind

Last night, my sister had a Mount Union College Homecoming party and housewarming party. She now works at the College and bought a house in Alliance. We had a great time catching up with her friends, work colleagues, neighbors and important people in her life.

We drank sangria. We ate good food brought by friends. We caught up with one another. Throughout the night, I kept a secret from everyone. They wanted to know how life was treating me. What do I do with myself? How do I stay busy? How are the boys? McCain or Obama? How is Indy?

I couldn't tell them the truth. I couldn't even go into any details. I kept a smile on my face and kept up the small talk. But there was only one thing I was thinking about off and on. My good friend "Julie." She has pancreatic cancer and we just found out this weekend that the fight is almost over. She will be sent home for her last few days to be with her family. She has only days, maybe a couple of weeks to live.

We have traveled to the hospital in Columbus to see her. She wouldn't let us touch her for fear of germs. I just wanted to grab her and hug her and cry. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was and how much cancer "sucks." She wouldn't let us. She didn't know the fight was over when we visited her. Thank God I didn't know. I am not sure I could have gotten through the visit.

When I walked out of the room, I looked back one last time. I looked into her eyes. I knew it was the last time I would see her alive. I just knew it. She looked so scared.

So, in between all of the conversations and smiles on my face last night. My heart was breaking. My dear friend "Joe" will have to bury his soul mate before Thanksgiving. I just don't know how he is getting through this. I am four hours away and I can barely think of anything else. My prayers but not my tears are running dry. I ask God for peace and support for their family.

I have to be honest. You always hear "Life is short." But when it seems like everyone beats cancer and everyone lives until they are over 80, it doesn't seem like life is so short. The last few weeks have caused me to shift my perspective. I am enjoying my children a little more in the last few weeks. I try to not rush them and I sit and watch them more. I try to say yes more often. I am more patient with my husband. Little things don't bother me as much as they used to. My cat scratched my new curtains this weekend while we were gone. Did I care? Not at all. Honest. So much more important things to care about. It is just not important. People are important. Curtains? Not so much. So, I guess life is short afterall. I am learning. Thank you Julie for my lesson. I promise to never forget.


Flea said...

I am so sorry that you're losing someone so close to you. I'm sure Julie and her husband both appreciate the friend that you are to them.

Stephanie said...

Wow, it seems like everyone around me is getting bad news. We just found out this past Friday that a dear elder at our church has terminal brain cancer. We were just getting over finding out another friend of ours from church has lung cancer that could be terminal. I was working on a post similar to yours last night but I haven't posted it yet. Mortality always makes us appreciate things like this. I think God planned it that way so at the very least some good can come from someone else's despair. Hang in there and hug your babies tight.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. I'm sending peace and strength your way. ~ KP

Kathryn said...

I am so sorry. Life can just be so hard.
How nice that you were able to visit her again though I know it must have been a painful visit.

Thank you for this reminder for me today. I needed it.

Rhea said...

Oh, man. I'm so sorry Indy. :o( This post just tore me up. I wish this wasn't the end for Julie. :o(

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